Wow… just, wow. I just found this and read through it pretty quickly but my goodness that’s a good story. Not only was the plot good, but the amount of detail you put into it was enough to let me see the story unfold. All in all, it was great, the only critique I have is about some subtle grammar mistakes but they don’t really distract from the story and I just want to make you aware of them if you want to fix it.
Apologies for any grammar errors! If you could tell me where that would be fabulous! I am only in 9th as of now and nowadays you aren’t taught much grammar if any. As long as you make sense the teachers could care less it seems :T. But I would like to make this as good as I possibly can! So if someone adept in grammar could let me know where I goofed up then I would greatly appreciate it! Of course it’ll take awhile and so if you want to then that would be great, if not then oh well. But still, thank you all very much! I thought it was a bit goofy and rushed because of the time skip and all of that! 
today’s been rather quiet
yeah 20 characters 20 character again
The one real place I noticed a goof was when you said “I shoot in the direction I was strike” when it would make more sense to say “I shoot in the direction I was struck” or “I shot in the direction I was struck” I can go through and check as much as I can(though I might not get it all seeing as I’m working from like a years more experience).
Lol sorry 90% was likely written at 9:00 pm or later so that was likely at a quite late hour
Like I said originally, it’s fine, I was just trying to help you take it to the next level and make it better. It really is a great story and I’m really glad you took the time to make such a good read.
Saiki and I walk through the Tower, glowing light particles float around us as we walk through. We walk along the railing, looking at the cityscape below. The Last Safe City, humanity’s final bastion, we watch as it lights up, a soft yellow glow beginning to emanate from the many buildings. Neon lights begin to turn on casting a purple, orange, red, and many other colors to light up the streets. I smile as I watch the City light up, my arm wrapped around Saiki’s waist and my hand rests on her hip. She leans into me, laying her head on my chest. We stand there for awhile. Saiki making a low sound of comfort as she rubs her cheek against my chest. Eventually she shifts her head to look up at me. “Can we go to our quarters now?” She asks me sleepily, I nod gently and together we walk deeper into the Tower.
Soon we arrive at our quarters and enter, a soft white glow emanates from a window that makes up the back wall of our quarters. The place itself is rather small but cozy. Not far away from the entrance to the bathroom has been placed, making the entrance more of a hallway into our apartment. Aside from the bathroom we only really have one room. Where we have put everything. Our shared bed (it used to be two before we started getting serious), our kitchen, the workshop, and most importantly, the bookcase. Filled with many different tomes of knowledge, all of which at least one of us has read. The room is dimly lit, only the moonlight from the window lights up our little home. I slowly guide Saiki to bed, she’s a bit tipsy but calm.
“What now honey?” I ask quietly, climbing next to her and wrapping an arm around her, she snuggles up close to me and I soon found her to be asleep. I give a small smile, kissing her on the cheek and I watch as her cheeks grow slightly rosy from the gesture, how cute! However I look up to the window and out into the wilderness. The tree line looks like the jaws of some massive creature in the darkness of the night. I worry of what the scout said at Sweeps… what if… Six Fronts was just a test run…? What if… no… stay positive. It’ll…. all work out alright…. right?
Everything… will be okay… yeah. Hm. I should probably talk about Saiki now. You know, her being my girlfriend and all.
(Had to comment this because I found the character limit for posts lol)
1 Like
That’s a good addition to this story. We don’t really see intimate relationships between Guardians, we kinda just have to make them up for ourselves lol! Also, I never really thought about where Guardians actually live in the Tower until reading the stories posted on here, which is a nice detail to point out.
Thank you very much! Honestly I always imagined they lived in their ships or the tower. Because seriously, the Tower is so big, we only see a fraction of what’s there, what’s in the rest of it? Well probably barracks and quarters for the guardians, armories, food places, etc. It’d make sense to have the Guardians live in the Tower to conserve housing in the general City and would also make use of this unnecessarily large structure. Sometimes I feel as if people treat Guardians as immortal super soldiers and nothing but, failing to see that they are human too and so they don’t think beyond what they are given in game. And in some cases, it seems like the Vanguard treats them as such too. But that’s for later.
1 Like
Guardians don’t need to sleep or eat or drink though… And exos don’t need anything except maybe plugging themselves into an outlet (lol)
It’s more a pleasure activity I’d guess. Need doesn’t equate to won’t
Yep that is correct, some guardians probably aren’t that social tho
Well, I mean, Cayde programed himself to get drunk.
Really? Lol I didn’t know that.
Yeah when I found out about it I had quite a laugh. I think he put something in his throat that regestered alcohol and made him feel drunk when he had something to drink.
Yep. That is exactly it.