Another Novel Project

Feel free to fact-check and critique this. Post any feedback or editing suggestions, here. Constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged. I actually want to convince Bungie to let me publish this when it’s done.
The concept is a Lightbearer who is revived 15 years after the collapse, and immediately sets out to find a semi-organized settlement at what was once Ft Drum, NY. My personal headcanon is that the very first Lightbearers wore no armor, until Lord Saladin organized a group and became the Iron Lords. I’m at a loss for what to call the classes, since the terms “Hunter”, “Titan”, and “Warlock” wouldn’t be used for centuries. Perhaps someone can point me toward a lore-correct answer.
The first few chapters will play out more like a roadtrip story set in the Destiny universe. This excerpt is from the moment his Ghost wakes him up, to his first battle with the Eliksni. Hope you enjoy it. Forgive that I posted it on Deviant Art…