Hello everyone! I am now finished with the book. This book is about three guardians. Jason Kretz, Olivia Riceson, and Rick Charleson. The book is about these three guardians finding out that The Spider has been stealing artifacts from humanity’s past. The name of the book is “The Spider’s Web”.
Would love to hear feedback on the book. Not sure if I want to make a sequel, but I might.
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After doing a quick look through, I like it, just make sure to indent your Paragraphs. That and I like the fact that your Titan quickly describes himself in the beginning, giving acknowledgment to Titans and their concerns about how strong they are compared to others! I’ll do more reading later. But I like it so far!
~Ember-3
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This is mostly a rough draft. I can go through and indent things later unless I find someone to edit it for me. Thank you for your feedback
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@SpartanLock, What if you called the book, “A Spider’s Deal”? Maybe the Spider ends up cutting them another deal, similar to what the main character had to do in the Campaign, and the story turns out to be a massive witch hunt that uncovers some dangerous Fallen leader? And the Leader is a constant threat throughout the story, the meet him at one point, fail to kill him, and he gets away. And it leads up to where they get a group together to take him on!
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good idea. I already had a general direction for where I want to go with it, but good idea
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Like someone else said, paragraph breaks are badly needed. One thing I would point out… rather than just have the character say, I have black hair, a goatee, and this tall and this heavy, I would work that in more naturally. “I scratched my chin, fingers pushing through the hair of my goatee” “Soandso’s hair was dark, not quite as black as mine, but close.” (Kind of like the way you described the female’s skin tone, actually!) “I scanned the crowd. It was easy to see over most of the people there due to my height. Some of the other Sunbreakers used to give me a hard time about being so tall. They use to make a game of guessing my height. No one believed it when the correct answer was 7’2”, so they actually had to measure."
This is my first time writing and I really just chugged some coffee and wrote it out. This was originally on a google doc and it looked a lot better in the doc. It also didn’t help that I had to split it between two different posts because of the stupid character count limit.
thx for the feedback though
“You can guess what happened next” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) A real writer goes into detail (kidding). But yeah pretty good, the dialogue would be more smooth if you separated it. I may do a smexy times scene in mine but (according to the rp I am basing the character off…) the guy stays a virgin for one and a half millennia and dates his gf for 900 years. So that’s probably gonna change. Idk tho. I may post the full version’s chapters 1 and 2 (once 2 is finished). Which there will be a fair bit of timeskipping because I plan to end the book with Jubi being informed of Crota and doing the raid in the second book. I’ll take feedback and suggestions gladly once I post it.