First chapter in Destiny fan fiction novel - Feedback welcome

Hi all, this is the first chapter in fan fiction novel set in the Destiny universe. The novel is the first in a planned series. I do not own the copyrights to anything therein relating to the Destiny franchise, so I apologise if I am in breach of any rules here. Please feel free to critique the work, both positive and negative feedback is welcome in equal measure. Let me know if you would be interested in seeing more, as there is plenty more to come if the interest is there.

Thanks in advance, SN.

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Very well written. I like your style of writing. There were no grammatical or spelling errors as far as I could see. It gives a very aged/beaten-up feel to the world. I think that really fits Destiny. One thing is that when you first describe Valon I assumed from his build and way of thinking he was a young man rather than a boy. Was that intentional? I can see that you’ve got exceptional skill and I’d be happy to contribute my opinions and ideas if you wanted them. I am currently also writing a Destiny book so I have a little experience on the topic already. Good luck anyways! :smiley:

Thanks for your kind words LackedSaucer, I appreciate the feedback!

In response to your question, I wrote Valon as a young boy who is quite mature for his age, but a boy nonetheless. It wasn’t my own impression that he had the thoughts or voice of a young man, nor the build, seeing as the only description I gave was that he was “tall for his eleven years.” I’d be interested in getting a second opinion on the matter, because that could be a very important tonal issue if its an opinion shared by others.

I’d be delighted to hear any ideas and further feedback you have, I have a fair idea where the story is going and chapter two is firmly in the works. This chapter is something of a first draft, and I’m not 100% satisfied with it yet, if I do post second chapter on here it will be alongside a revised first chapter.

Once again, thanks for your valuable feedback, I’d love to hear some theories about where you think the story is headed!

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Funnily enough I’ve noticed that we have a very similar name for the first chapter :joy:. I’m sure it’s not problem though. Anyways, I do think that there is a market for fan fiction and that is were your book would go (probably through self publishing) but then there are copyrights and rules. You’d need to check somehow if you are allowed to. I wish you good luck for that though!

Oh really? What is the name of your first chapter, I’d be interested in reading it.

Awakenings is somewhat of an ambiguous title for mine, on one hand it refers to Val waking up, I’ll let you figure out what else it refers to… something about Val’s appearance perhaps…

Yes I’m well aware of all the difficulties surrounding IPR’s, getting this novel officially published isn’t really a short or medium term goal for me.