Ch.1 The Story Of Epiales

This is the first chapter in my guardians story, Epiales. He is a Exo, he kind looks like Cayde except he isn’t shiny and is…kinda short. But anyway, here is the first part in his story.

In the EDZ, A Guardian and his ghost, along with another ghost that would show up and tag along cause well, he didn’t have a guardian.When they got near Sojourners Camp, the ghost started getting all excited and starting saying “I can feel him!” over and over, the Guardian, confused as he was, started saying “Who?” or “What do you mean?” and the the ghost just took off, about an hour or so later the guardian caught up to the ghost, he saw it hovering over a blue exo, kinda resembled Cayde, and the ghost said “You might wanna stand back.” and suddenly a blue-ish white flash appeared and then the sound of clinking and whirring started, and when the guardian was able to see, he saw the exo getting up, when the Exo got up the optics turned on and just like Cayde, his optic color was kind of like a baby blue and the mouth lights were orange. The guardian was confused on why he looked like Cayde so much.

Systems Active
Error Loading Current Date/Time
New Program Active
Functionality: 63%

“Where…Where the hell am i? Whats happening?”
Designation: Epiales-1
Current Date/Time…Error Loading
Memory Files… Error, File Not Found
“I…Who are you? Where am i?”
“Hello, i’m a Ghost, and your my Guardian!”
“What…What the hell do you mean?”
“You are supposed to protect Earth because we’re under attack from a multitude of things.”
“I still don’t understand…”
“Ummm Guardian? Some help here?”
“Hey there, i’m Europhis, i’m a Guardian as well, but i came from The Cosmodrone instead of here, what the Ghosts do is find a dead person and see if they are good hearted and can handle the Light, its gonna be confusing at first but you’ll get used to it.Here cm’on! I’ll take you to the Tower.”
“Whats that?”
“It’s where we go to take care of “Guardian Business” as people say.”
“Ok…I guess.”
20 Minutes Later…
“Here we are, go and talk to Zavala, your ghost will take you to him.”
The Ghost pipes up “Come on! This way!”
Epiales sees a blue man with giant shoulder pieces.
“I guess your Zavala.”
“And you must be the new Guardian that Europhis called in about. Good timing, we’re having some…problems with a Hive prince name Crota, and we need as many hands available to help.”
“Well i don’t even know what i’m supposed to do, apparently i was dead, i come back and everything is just thrown at me.”
“It’ll be like that for awhile, trust me, i speak from experience, well it seems you need armor and some weapons, go to Banshee, he can help you on that front.”
“Alright, cm’on Ghost.Wait, is that your name or what you are?”
“Ghost, is that your name?”
“No, you give me a name, Ghost is what i am.”
“Oh, well i’ll think of a name when i have the chance.”
Epiales Meets With Banshee
“So you’re the newbie?”
The Ghost drops in.
“Hey Banshee, this one needs some armor and weapons.”
“Can do.”
Basic armor and weapons are given.
“Don’t mention it.”
Post Tutorial Story

“Hey Ghost, i think i got a name for ya.”
“Really? Well what is it?”
“I’m Thinkin…Bee.”
“Why Bee?”
“I don’t know…it just feels familiar and i just seem to like it.”
(Author note: The reason i chose Bee is cause i really love Transformers and Bumblebee is my favorite.)
“Well if you like it then it’s fine with me.”
“Alright, now lets go see this Crota guy.”
End Of Part 1

1 Like

Not going to lie, this chapter is sort of all over the place. It was really hard to keep track of everything going on while reading. I’d say revise it, and then try and go into more detail of what’s happening between each of the guardians talking. A good story has lots of detail, and your first chapter has next to none. During the beginning, I had no idea where the other guardians came from. Try to have introductions to the different characters, even if they have no tribute to the story line.

Also, Crota was extremely hard for Guardians to take care of, I don’t think your guardian will just waltz on over there and kill him only being a few days old.

Actually the story was pretty straight forward, also note that the original campaign was all over the place, also he probably won’t kill Crota that quickly, he will definitely have other things he needs to do on the moon before killing crota

ik, ima just drop this real quick but he doesn’t kill Crota, or even get close to it, he gets surrounded by Thrall near the bridge and gets away before getting in the Hellmouth and as for the story and dialogue, i’ll work on it.