Diablo the guardian

Btw I haven’t finished this story, based on feedback I will write more and add it to this post


A ghost is flying over Pluto endlessly not finding anything except for random, broken ships and fallen. But finally the ghost found him, his spark, the human he had to revive. The human was wearing a standard space suit of his time, he had pale skin which was almost blue. His hair was white and he had two horns jutting up from his head as if he were a demon. The ghost scanned him, in doing so the ghost resurrected him. He sat up in the cold, thin air and panicked “where the hell am I? Who are you? Why am I alive?” He started spitting out questions like a machine gun. “Calm down, I am your ghost and you have been resurrected” his ghost says.

He stood up but as he did so he stumbled and collapsed back to the ground, he had been shot by a captain. he then stumbled over to the captain while being shot and died at the captain’s feet. His ghost revives him and he jumps onto the captain and starts choking it with his bare hands trying to kill it, the captain eventually threw him off, breaking his spine and killing him. He is rezzed and in response he grabs a rock and just shoves it through the captain’s skull to kill it. “What shall I call you?” His ghost asks “diablo” he replies.

Diablo picks up the captain’s swords and cloak, he put the cloak on because it made him warmer and then he puts the swords on his belt. Diablo then smuggles himself onto a fallen ship which soon left Pluto. The ship diablo was on flew to Venus where once he was there he left the ship and found a wolf in the forest. The wolf had white fur and red eyes “hmm, how about I call you Pluto?” Diablo says to the wolf and the wolf nods in agreement, Pluto then smells something and Pluto runs towards what she smells. Diablo follows Pluto who ends up leading them to a jump ship that lacks an engine.


Diablo and Pluto head to a nearby fallen encampment which has an engine. Diablo kills the larger enemies which were the captain and reaver vandals whereas Pluto killed the dregs and shanks after which Diablo grabs the engine. The two of them head back to the jumpship and diablo puts the engine in the ship. After that was done they catch, kill and skin a deer and start a fire to cook the deer on. Diablo gives Pluto half the deer and a bowl of water, they then eat and drink the deer and water and go to sleep. The next day diablo cooks some leftover deer for them and they eat it for breakfast, after that they get in the jumpship and head to earth.

In earth’s atmosphere diablo and Pluto crash land outside the city wall (approximately 1 mile). Diablo and Pluto crawl out of the wreckage, diablo has no scars but Pluto’s front leg is mangled. That’s when pluto’s ghost appears and healed the leg, “What, Pluto I thought you were a wolf not human” diablo says as as Pluto turns into a woman wearing a white dress (1890s england type clothing) and had white hair. Pluto then promptly turned back to a wolf “wtf, what are you?” diablo says and Pluto is silent, “hmm, I understand your need to keep a secret, I won’t press on this matter until your ready since I don’t know when you were rezzed” he says, they then walk to the city. In the city diablo keeps his and Pluto’s ghosts hidden because all of the lightbearers go to the tower and diablo doesn’t want to go to the tower. Diablo and Pluto head into a nearby pub which they are told no dogs allowed which in response they leave, Pluto turns into her human form and they walk back in and sit at the counter. Diablo orders a cheeseburger and some tea meanwhile Pluto orders a steak and some water. Diablo pays 50 glimmer for the food, they eat and then leave the pub.

Diablo and Pluto head to a hotel and diablo pays for them to stay there for a week so he can figure out what to do now. The next morning diablo wakes up and leaves the room, preferring not to wake Pluto up. He also left a note with a bag of glimmer next to it that said the glimmer was so Pluto could get food for herself. While walking in the business district of the city diablo sees an abundance of open job positions, on he finds interesting is cryptology which basically asks the person to go out into the world and find data and artifacts for the cryptarch libraries. So diablo applies for the job and is told he will have an interview tomorrow.


The next day diablo goes to his interview. “What do you know about artifacts?” The interviewer asks as his first question ‘I know that artifacts are important because some of them are dangerous and most are a part of human history” diablo answers. The interviewer keeps asking diablo questions like that for another hour after the first question. After the interview the interviewer discussed the answers Diablo gave and shortly thereafter they tell diablo that he got the job. “Alright diablo your first artifact to hunt is called Grim’s infinite puzzle, we don’t know what it looks like because it changes form based off of who owns it so be alert” his boss tells him for his first mission briefing.

Afterwards diablo heads to a store and buys adventurer’s gear and a sealed space suit for Pluto Incase they enter a toxic environment on their journey. After purchasing these items diablo heads back to the hotel and hands Pluto the space suit, Pluto leaves the room and comes back with the space suit on. “Now do you speak English Pluto?” Diablo asks her “yes but I prefer to be silent when I can” Pluto replies “also I’m not a wolf, I’m a hell hound” Pluto says, “where are you from then?” Diablo says “I don’t know, all I remember is that I woke up with a pentagram on a metal coin that was in my clenched fist” Pluto says and as if to say she is done talking she turns into hell hound form.The next day diablo and Pluto go to Moscow of old Russia which is where the artifact was last seen.

Once in Moscow diablo and Pluto spot a little box on the ground which had a red glow to it, a possibility of malice. Diablo picks up the box and in his hand it turns into a 6 round basic revolver, diablo understands what it is. “Hmm, grim’s infinite puzzle, it turned into a gun because I need more weaponry, interesting to say the least, good it’s now in my hand” diablo says before putting the revolver in the empty holster he has. After this diablo heads back to the tower and tells his boss that someone got to the artifact before he got there. In response his boss pays him for trying and diablo and Pluto go outside the city to test the new revolver, diablo fired it and it fired as fast as the last word.


While firing the revolver diablo noticed that he ended up shooting 4 more bullets then the revolver could hold which was odd to him at first. After he reloaded the revolver he took off his helmet and then spit up blood, it seemed that the revolver had a mechanism to fire more shots than it can hold by feeding off the owner’s life force. “Must be a gun made of a hellish ritual” he says without thinking, meanwhile thoughts swirled in his mind. ‘Where did that knowledge come from?’, ‘What have I forgotten through death’, ‘What am I?’ He asks these questions to himself within his mind.

Diablo walks over to Pluto “hey I have to go try to find out who I am, what I was, what I will become, I will see you later Pluto, stay safe” he says to Pluto before walking down a road into the woods. Along the path diablo starts seeing visions, slight manifestations of a symbol important to him. Everywhere he looked he saw signs of a pentagram, something he once knew but couldn’t remember why he knew. At the end of the path diablo finds a cryptorium(or whatever those rooms above ground that holds the coffin of important deceased people). In the room he found an ornate stone coffin that was covered in devil symbols and etchings of hell, most can’t read it but he can. On the side of the coffin it reads “here lies Lord Diablo, Demon lord of a forgotten age and most powerful to rule, no one knew power better than he”.

After reading the side of the coffin he realizes why he has horns, why he knew what the grim’s infinite puzzle was and why he’s different. After reading this his head was spinning for a while and he lays down on the cold, hard, stone and sleeps. What seems like hours later but is actually one day later he is jutted awake to see Pluto standing in front of him. “Where have you been? It’s been a day” Pluto says “oh, I thought it had only been an hour, my bad, why did you come searching for me?” Diablo asks questioning why she cares for him. “Your Boss called and Said you hadn’t showed up for work and I don’t want to find that the only person I know is dead” Pluto responds “fair enough, shall we get going now?” Diablo states, Pluto then nods and the two then walk into the woods.

1 Like

Right off the bat I don’t know if any activity has been documented on Pluto, but if I am mistaken do tell. As far as I know nothing is on Pluto or has anything to do with it but, again, I have margin to be wrong. My second issue is, why is Diablo human? No human has horns in the Destiny universe. What brings this about? Are they mineral formations from his time spent adrift? I’d like an explanation or if you simply edit him to be an exo, two horns would make sense.

The wording of his getting up is a bit clunky imo, I think it would be better if you had said “He stood up and in doing so gets shot by a Captain, collapsing back to the ground.” One glaring issue is that his ghost would DEFINITELY not have been able to survive. The Captain is actively firing on him, why would the ghost be able to rez him (realistically, the game is not as accurate as you would like to thing) without being blown to space dust. The second attempt, however, should have been the last because Guardians have greatly enhanced strength and speed if I am not mistaken (I’m looking at the lore geeks for back up or shut down here). Also he’d have to have great strength to be able to drive the stone down hard enough to drive it through the skull of the Captain because you know, Pluto doesn’t exactly have much of a gravitational pull. So I’d recommend figuring that bit out.

From there, something I immediately notice, is that he describes “feeling warmer” as he puts the cloak on. That would make little sense given his suit should be keeping him warm, if it isn’t he’d be dead. Or, alternatively, it could just be a mental thing, a false sense that it is warming him up. In that case it’d be useful to provide notation of such. But the thing that confuses me the most is him smuggling himself onto a Fallen vessel and somehow not getting spotted. It would make a lot more sense (and frankly be cooler) to say he either jacked it or killed the drivers and stole it. Well I say that but I don’t really know about his ability to fight in hand to hand combat.

But the biggest issue in my opinion is him finding a wolf on Venus?? What?! Last time I checked (unless this is a Ahamkara) wolves on Venus are NOT a thing. And like he’s going to just fall from a ship and tame a wolf in the four seconds he’s been on the planet too. Either way I am saying you need to develop these relationships before you just be like “oh yeah, now they’re best buds.” I did this in Out of the Shadows but after a clear time skip. I like the thought of a Guardian having a canine buddy but the way you go about the getting of said pal is not very logical. And plot holes and holes in logic reaaaaallllyyy get me going.

All in all this seems to be just a case of “think before you post” situation. A lot of logic holes driving my bonkers really. A good lot of the time people do at least some research before slapping a bunch of words on a piece of paper and showing it to the world for everyone to see. I know I try to stay in my element of knowledge to prevent looking like a complete idiot when I screw up. So that is what I have seen thus far that needs to be edited/cleared up. Other than that I’d say keep on going.

The thing about the ghost finding a human is this is what race the ghost thinks diablo is (similar to how in the Henry stickman games everything is labeled as Henry sees it)

I didn’t say they were best buds and the next three paragraphs will explain why the wolf went with him so quickly

I would have omitted the mention temporarily until you were ready to explain. Also, I don’t think wolves will nuzzle someones hand unless they are pretty close. Or really sick. Even then you’d still need to work towards them trusting you.

The story has been modified

Jubi’s really said all that needs to be said, its decent, a bit janky, but decent

Why thank you good sir.

New section added meep

Alright, lots of new stuff. And I am left at odds with this story. What the ffuuuuuck?? Now we have a shapeshifting guardian wolf? I don’t know of anything other than the Ahamkara that can shapeshift in the Destiny universe?? Lore geeks, can I get some affirmation or denial here? This feels a lot like a purely fantasy world trying to be injected into Destiny and I am beginning to see a lot of butting heads. It’s just very… odd and jarring… it isn’t blending well… but that’s also a problem that has do a lot with the pacing as well.

Everything feels very rushed. Skipping around like a deer prancing through the field. I will admit I do skip around a bit in my stories but this is like skipping through battles and many of the other things. Sometimes it is best to take it slow. Not everything needs to be put out at once. If you take things slowly, then it will pay off in the long run. Pacing is a big thing. It works when fast paced in certain places. But you are skipping over a lot of explanation.

For example, Pluto just suddenly has a Ghost and a human form. And Diablo just accepts this? Like, I get that he’s just been thrust into this world and all but there’s no questioning about ANY of this from him? He’s just like “ah, okay.” This is leaving me sooo confused. It’s very interesting but holy hell this is just expected of us to accept this? I’m sorry if I seem rude I am just flat out dumbfounded by this. And then she just goes “by the by I am a HELLHOUND not a wolf” like okay? Suddenly we are dealing with fantasy?? Also why does she have 1890s clothing? Is she from the 1890s? Ugh this is so confusing as there is no explanation for anything, we’re just expected to either A. Already know what is going on. Or B. Just go with it and not question it.

Which brings me to my next point, explanations please?? Where is all of this in the narrative? I can almost guarantee that you’ll explain in the comments but if someone doesn’t read the comments then this will just be really confusing. It’s confusing even me, and I’d like to think I am pretty intelligent (let’s cut the jokes I’m an idiot lol). BUT, either way, it’s difficult to understand and it really kills it for me. I don’t think it’d be so bothersome to me, the over incorporation of fantastical elements I mean, if it had explanation, at least a little if any. Because creative liberty and all that. But seriously. E X P L A I N T H I N G S. PLEASE.

The wolf is a hellhound and it’s a werewolf type scenario accept a bit more , not realistic but not as retarded as twilight

Okay but why is she like that? How is she a Guardian? Why doesn’t Diablo want to be in the Tower? Why does Diablo have horns? Why does he lie to keep the weapon instead of saying that since it’s a gun perhaps he needs to experiment with it?

I understand the concern about diablo being so cool about this but to be honest I feel like if you wake up in a world like this it’s better to not question things

He doesn’t like being with other guardian because it gives a certain status quo that he doesn’t like and the gun thing he just doesn’t want to deal with them arguing with him over the artifact

While that’s fair, when your character goes “wtf” then you should know that A. What you are doing is quite outlandish or B. They should be asking questions.

I assume that Diablo is sort of like you, because I have plenty of characters that will plain out defy my own morals and thought processes. Either way, it does seem unrealistic in a way.

Like, if I were to tell you that… “You were just revived on Pluto in a post-apocalypse and your best friend/romantic partner is gonna be a shapeshifting hellhound that is also a Guardian, an immortal super soldier resurrected from the dead by a massive space ball who made a smaller space ball with this thing called the light -which you are by the way- that you found on Venus.” I can nearly guarantee you that you would be questioning the HELL out of everything. Especially since you remember NOTHING.

True, I agree and will fix the plot holes

Sorry if I come off as rude or mean, I don’t mean to be.

It’s no problem, feedback is best because it tells me how to fix my writing, also i’m Not EA and won’t blame the problems of my story on the readers

Also the clothing is a reference to when Pluto originally died, thought it would be obvious but no problem, i understand Your confusion

I figured as much but I was wondering if that had any significance to the story. Because one person I saw from a Discord server submitted a vampire guardian from the 1800s… that… was interesting…